Write Your Own Caption!

Mike Peters had a very nasty and logic-deficient cartoon up today in the Dayton Daily News. (Lengthy and annoying registration required.) Far be it from me to fool with Mr. Peters' copyright, so, a summary.

Picture: a bishop standing with his hands folded.
"If you're a pro-choice Catholic, you can't ever receive Communion."

Picture: bishop smirking behind his hand.
"...but if you're a pedophile priest, we'll just move you to another parish."

So basically, he's saying that two wrongs mean nothing can ever again be wrong. This is particularly unfair as Archbishop O'Malley (to whose pronouncement he is referring) has been one of the good guys helping to get rid of the pedophiles and bind the wounds of the pedophiles' victims. But let's not let truth get in the way of a good distortion.

So I would like to present a challenge to my readers. Let's recaption Mr. Peters' speech balloons!

---

Bishops That Mike Peters Might Like Better Than O'Malley:

"Being Catholic means respecting life."
"...For felons, I mean, not fetuses."

"If we're in a state of grace, Communion gives us life."
"But if we're in the state of Massachusetts, it's more important to give babies death!"

"Because of the pedophile scandal, we can never again make a moral judgement."
"...Permanent vacation!"

For Folks Who Think O'Malley Said Too Little:

"Rape kids -- zero tolerance. Kill kids -- zero communion."
"...But we'll let your nonexistent conscience enforce that last one."

What If Archbishop O'Malley Was Really Strict?

"We'll support Mr. Kerry's position on the separation of church and state..."
"...if he'll promise to separate from this Church and this state!"