Aliens in This World

An ordinary Catholic and a science fiction and fantasy fan.

Sunday, February 16, 2003

Official St. Blog's Wimp

I didn't go to Mass today. I didn't go to Mass yesterday, either! In fact, my parents called me up to make sure I wasn't going to Mass. It's a half-hour walk to church in the best weather, and I'm sick, and it's snowing. Don't go, they said. I won't, I said.

Then they called this afternoon to ask me when I was going to Mass, even though it's still cold and snowing. Honestly, you can't win.

I almost wish I had gone. It would have been a long cold walk, but church would've been warmer than here. My radiator is once again starting to break down. Yesterday it wouldn't budge above 66 degrees Fahrenheit; this morning it was down to 62. By turning on my sunlight lamp and my hot hall light, I managed to raise the temperature in here to 64. But I've still had cold hands all day.

Mostly, though, I just feel spiritually hungry. I didn't take Communion last weekend because I was cantoring the 8 AM and couldn't fast that morning and still sing or walk up the hill. (I was sick last weekend, too. Walking up and back was a big reason why I'm still sick now. Yes, I'm stupid. It was also stupid for me to let my wallet get stolen yesterday, so I only had enough busfare to get home and had to stay downtown in the cold till it was time for the Celtic concert -- and thank God the tickets weren't stolen too.) It's bad enough to have problems with low blood sugar. But now I feel like I've got low blood sugar in my soul, and there's another hard week at work ahead of me. But I feel so sick and cold....

And speaking of low blood sugar, I really don't look forward to Lent. I used to find fasting very helpful and spiritual, but now it's just a big pain in the butt. I either have to eat more than normal so that I'll be able to skip two meals (while wondering how stuffing myself constitutes any form of fasting), or just skip fasting and feel like a total wimp. Also, I'm always forgetting it's Wednesday or Friday and eating meat by mistake. *sigh* These things never seem to trouble the hardy lot at St. Blog's, who drive their SUVs through the snow and fast every Friday and Ember Days too. But I am a wimp, and I know that if I fast unwarily, I'll be having crying jags and suicidal thoughts and be no good to anyone. I guess I'll have to fast from the Internet instead. *grimace*


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